I want to be blind, but you don't
by Izabel
Summary: Harry tries to forget and closes himself. Hermione can't see it much longer. Little HHr fic!


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AN : This little fic was inspired by U2's song _Staring at the sun._ I put the lyrics at the end of the chapter, but I don't consider it as a song-fic. There might be another chapter... We'll see! (You must know that English is not my first language so forgive me for some errors, I do my best!) Please leave me a little word :)

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Early 6th year September...

He laid in the grass below the oldest willow of the grounds. Half facing the Forbidden Forest, lost in his thoughts. Or was he lost in his thoughts? Trying to forget them would better describe the situation. His mind was blank. No matter how hard he just tried to do it last term, it was now that he really understood and welcomed the calm beneath this unemotional mask. The sun was high again in this hot long summer. He stared at the sun. All in an instant, he couldn't see anything. He had became blind, overwhelmed by the power of it. He closed his eyes and felt the sun, happy to find something that could still warm his heart. It was hard these days.

He was under his father's invisibility cloak. He was sick that everyone could see his every move, but had become used to it eventually. But, sometimes they didn't understand to let him be. He was able to spend some time alone. He had loads of practice when he was young... Actually, it made him feel better. There were some times when he needed to be alone. And he continued to don't try to think too much hoping he could one day don't think at all, even behind his cold mask.

He didn't want to really take the time and look inside. He would only find sorrows, guilt, doubt and sadness, add to this, the feeling he was not ready (and would probably never be) to face a destiny he could not choose, namely Voldemort. He knew he could count on Ron, Lupin or Hermione, or even all the DA group. But would it be enough? Will he lead them to their deaths too? Deep inside, he would see what he'd soon have to face.

And he did not want that. He wanted a break. He wanted love. He wanted to be someone else. Something was missing inside of him. He wanted peace.

By a window in the library, she watched him. She couldn't see him, but she, somehow, knew he was there. And if she paid attention, she could catch a glimpse of the cloak's frame, and imagining his position. He was like his old self at the beginning of the term. By old self, she meant old Harry, the one that doesn't show his deepest feelings and bottled up himself. It had been a shock. She thought she would find him in pieces. Deep inside, she knew it was the case anyway, behind this mask he was learning to wear.

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Harry,

I don't know what to do anymore. I feel as bad as you do and I would give everything to make you talk to me. I mean really talk. I know that something bothers you. No, not Sirius. Something more. I can feel it. I'm tired of trying, tired of crying. Tired of not knowing what to do.

I love you so much it hurts. I'm not myself. Oh, you probably haven't notice anything different, but deep inside I know. I feel that something's eating me up and down, and that I can do nothing about it.

I know you hate it when people want you to talk about you. But could you, at least give me a chance. To me. Only little Hermione.

With so much love,

Mione

She threw her quill on the floor, slammed her books, and crumpled her letter in her hand. Another crumpled letter to hide into her now full box. Tears were forming in her eyes. She did not know anymore why she was crying.

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Staring at the sun – U2

Summer stretching on the grass  
Summer dresses pass  
In the shade of a willow tree  
Creeps a crawling over me  
  
Over me and over you  
Stuck together with God's glue  
It's going to get stickier too  
It's been a long hot summer  
Let's get under cover  
Don't try too hard to think  
Don't think at all  
  
I'm not the only one  
Staring at the sun  
Afraid of what you'd find  
If you took a look inside  
  
I'm not just deaf and dumb  
Staring at the sun  
Not the only one  
Who's happy to go blind  
  
There's an insect in your ear  
If you scratch it won't disappear  
It's going to itch and burn and sting  
You want to see what the scratching brings  
  
Waves that leave me out of reach  
Breaking on your back like a beach  
Will we ever live in peace  
'Cause those that can't do  
Often have to  
And those that can't do  
Often have to preach  
  
To the ones  
Staring at the sun  
Afraid of what you'll find  
If you took a look inside  
  
Not just deaf and dumb  
Staring at the sun  
I'm not the only one  
Who'd rather go blind  
  
Intransigence is all around  
Military still in town  
Armour plated suits and ties  
Daddy just won't say goodbye  
  
Referee won't blow the whistle  
God is good but will He listen  
I'm nearly great  
But there's something missing  
I left it in the duty free  
But you never really belonged to me  
  
You're not the only one  
Staring at the sun  
Afraid of what you'd find  
If you stepped back inside  
  
I'm not sucking on my thumb  
I'm staring at the sun  
Not the only one  
Who's happy to go blind


End file.
